So think about what words make you feel great about your sexuality. Maybe you like to be nasty or filthy on occasion, or maybe you like to be told you’re soft and sweet (hey, you can be both!). Think of words that enhance your self-love — juicy, hot, tight, strong, cute, smooth — and enthusiastically inquire about your partner’s faves, too. If you know that sending a sweet sext (or an even dirtier one) is something that excites your partner, it can build up your courage and confidence to send it. “Just like the physical act of sexuality, the build-up is where the fun is,” Eros reminds us.
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Dirty talk can help partners get on the same page by opening each other up to all kinds of discussions around desire. So kudos to Disobedience for really taking the time to mediate on how queer women have sex. The scene clocks in at about eight minutes and never once gets banal — it even throws in a complimentary spit swap.
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Seduction can begin weeks before over text, and lead right up to a teasing moment of foreplay, stating your designs on your partner’s body. Present-tense narration is a simple and surprisingly powerful way to transform language into a sort of vibrator for your mind, enhancing whatever you and your partner are already enjoying. And the check-in is a way to get more mileage out of your awesome sex by sending an aftercare reminder, bringing you back into the moment with the simplest sentence. In sex as in the rest of life, everyone loves to be flattered.
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Or rehash old memories of the best sexual experiences you’ve had IRL, whether with your current partner or a previous one (though of course be conscientious of omitting details that could spark jealousy). The exercise above has already given you a base for creating your very own dirty talk word bank. A word bank is a list of your preferred naughty verbiage, whether words or phrases, that you can pull from to take the pressure off figuring it out in the heat of the moment. “But I can use language to describe what I love about how they feel in my arms, the way they smell, the experience of them tasting me.” In the era of social-distancing, words have become one of our best replacements for physical intimacy. That’s especially true when it comes to dirty talk, whether it’s done over the phone, sexting, or video chat.
- “There’s never a bad time to start talking dirty,” says Horn.
- Read a piece of erotica you really enjoyed out loud together, discussing what specifically gets you off and whether your partner likes it too.
- She says that when it’s done while kissing, “being completely connected and wrapped up in her” sends her over the edge.
- “There’s a whole spectrum of dirty talk. There’s the version that’s like using language like a sex toy, to accentuate what you’re already doing,” says Horn.
A lot of the times, you might find yourself enjoying being called things by your lover that you wouldn’t like in any other context. But it’s especially true when you’re establishing this more advanced style by adding layers of identity, specificity, and storytelling. Read a piece of erotica you really enjoyed out loud together, discussing what specifically gets you off and whether your partner likes it too.
We were still battered and heartsore from the unexpected loss of our beloved friend Cheryl Taggert, who founded Juicy Secrets with Naughty Mommy and yours truly back in 2015. If you’re too lazy to wear the strap-on, or if it’s simply uncomfortable, use the dildo on each other as if it were an extension of your hands. Some people are good with just a fingertip and others want your whole fist. Ask what feels pleasurable and always work your way up.
Amanda does the behind-the-scenes work that keeps Juicy Secrets alive and vital, in addition to turning out excellent stories of her own. Were it not for her, this site would wither like an old turnip. In case you’re unfamiliar, erotica is essentially traditional… There’s no denying that the pandemic is creating all sorts of new obstacles for sex and intimacy. Reframing those as opportunities to experiment with things you otherwise would never bother with can be a stimulating way to cope. OK, that was a lot of prep and, depending on your comfort level, you may not need all of it before getting to this step.